me
by Lisa Mays Boyd on Monday, March 28, 2011 at 12:47am
its 2 a.m. and i'm still awake writing a song
if i get it all down on paper
it's no longer inside of me
threatening the life it belongs to
And i feel like im naked in front of the crowd
cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
and i know that you'll use them however you want to
But you cant jump the track
we're like cars on the cable
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand...
I'm not expecting for you to understand...how can you really know what is going on inside someone's mind. What i need is unconditional support while i try to sort through this.
I dont know why i am having such a hard time with depression this time; thanks to the marvels of modern medicine i really havent had to feel hardcore emotions for quite some time.
I guess there is only so much that even medication can do. I'm trying my hardest to pull myself out of this pit im in. It's difficult to see daylight and i'm not sure if i even want to
right now. Here in this moment, i am grateful i dont have a gun because i would have taken the chicken way out and been done with it. Dealing with Major Depressive Disorder is not funny,
it's not a joke. It's not the pun of the day to make fun of on facebook. It's the quiet disease that I am supposed to suffer with. One of my big triggers for meltdowns is losing someone or
feeling like im not being heard; which is the worst thing you can ever do to someone who has been abused...not listening to them. That's why it's so hard for me to trust anyone, even my
family. In the past two years, i have lost my home, my grandma who was always my savior in the middle of the night when i needed her, ive lost my church, friends and my beloved pets,
my babies. To anyone else this may seem trivial--Hey we all go through it, right?! Try going through it when anything bad that happens throws you into a tailspin so bad that ending your
own life seems to be the easiest thing ever to do. I have tried to look at the blessings in my life to keep myself going. But I go back to the same way of thinking...they would all be better
off without my life screwing up theirs. I'm getting this all down on paper, so it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to. Please pray for me.
if i get it all down on paper
it's no longer inside of me
threatening the life it belongs to
And i feel like im naked in front of the crowd
cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
and i know that you'll use them however you want to
But you cant jump the track
we're like cars on the cable
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand...
I'm not expecting for you to understand...how can you really know what is going on inside someone's mind. What i need is unconditional support while i try to sort through this.
I dont know why i am having such a hard time with depression this time; thanks to the marvels of modern medicine i really havent had to feel hardcore emotions for quite some time.
I guess there is only so much that even medication can do. I'm trying my hardest to pull myself out of this pit im in. It's difficult to see daylight and i'm not sure if i even want to
right now. Here in this moment, i am grateful i dont have a gun because i would have taken the chicken way out and been done with it. Dealing with Major Depressive Disorder is not funny,
it's not a joke. It's not the pun of the day to make fun of on facebook. It's the quiet disease that I am supposed to suffer with. One of my big triggers for meltdowns is losing someone or
feeling like im not being heard; which is the worst thing you can ever do to someone who has been abused...not listening to them. That's why it's so hard for me to trust anyone, even my
family. In the past two years, i have lost my home, my grandma who was always my savior in the middle of the night when i needed her, ive lost my church, friends and my beloved pets,
my babies. To anyone else this may seem trivial--Hey we all go through it, right?! Try going through it when anything bad that happens throws you into a tailspin so bad that ending your
own life seems to be the easiest thing ever to do. I have tried to look at the blessings in my life to keep myself going. But I go back to the same way of thinking...they would all be better
off without my life screwing up theirs. I'm getting this all down on paper, so it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to. Please pray for me.
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